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 One More Swim 


We are just sitting, holding each other tight.

This is his first loss, 

I needed to be gentle.

My mind was racing,

How do you explain to a little boy about death?

It wasn’t about convincing him to let me flush the fish.

It was about how to help him understand why we flush the fish.

"How do you explain this to a kid?" I thought.

Lucas was now calm enough that we could talk.

I started telling him. 

“When fish die they need help to swim again.”

I asked him,

“You want him to swim again, right?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“Okay. Well.. When you flush him the water goes down, it then helps him swim again.”

“They go down, back into the pond where their other fish friends help him as well.”

“He will be better again!”

I was trying to make him feel better.

But honestly... 

I was making it up as I went.

I saw his face change, he was thinking about what I had said.

“But I will miss him” he replied.

“I know you will, we all will.”

“If we keep him in a bowl, he will never have the chance to swim again.”

He took a deep breath and said,

“Okay, let's go!” 

So we got up,

Went over to grab the net and we started up the stairs.

I plopped the fish gently into the toilet.

And said softly,

“Say goodbye.”

“He's going to be okay.”

He said goodbye then I went to flush the toilet when,

He yelled

“NO!”

“Let me do it.”

He looked into the toilet, a little tear came down his face 

He then said goodbye and flushed the toilet.

I breathed heavily and looked at Lucas then said,

“Do you want to go snuggle?”

He responded,

“Yes”

We went and snuggled down stairs.

The search was over,

The fish is now flushed.

It's calm and quiet.

We could all breathe.

But then..

Lucas shouts with excitement 

“Can we get a new fishy friend?”

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